Thoughts and Memories

I sat on a bus..

My route to a place unknown!

the sweltereing heat....

Abead of sweat adorned my brow

The driver cussed!

The child cried

An old man coughed,

A woman's trinket jangled

A meaningless murmur...

I look outside

The sun glares back

The sky was naked ...

Not a single cloud to clothe it!!

The peddler pushed flies off his pineapples

An auto-man bumped into the car driver

the spat and hissed 

Pedstrian scampered across the road

Little scraps of paper and trash:

kissed and danced on the road,

the only happy things around

I felt void...

void of Thoughts..

I just stared...!!

Life can be easily encapsulated by the aid of memories...that is why we have memoirs..autobiographies...biographies...strange what memories can do...cry with the happiness..or laugh till you feel your lungs will burst..or cry and cry so hard that you are all alone on a mountain top or on the top of a building and there is no one to hear you...!...or..make you feel pensive..or childlike...or vulnerable and sweet....memories and their vagaries!!

life is so beautiful when you sit down with your friends..those that have grown up with you or those that you met you as your moved up in life....and you chat...and jabber about days bygone..or when you turn in to a restrospecting recluse...

But what if you compartmentalise your memories..you just think about times if you were really a part of incidents that you may have lived..what if you are reminded you have been a part of times by friends..and people who have been and are a part of you life..!

strange thoughts...peculiar too...

just another day.....

Sometimes it feels so lovely to stare at the sky..just so blankly...and i look at the deep depth of blue..and then a thousand mixed thoughts just go pop in your head and .....its like tiny wires and mesh....all forming a hotch-potch in your brain...and slowly as I start analyzing things...like how I mistakenly deleted one of my favorite blogs....
how life is beautiful even in jeopardy...like how life is just so drab even when its supposed to be simple....and how stupid we were when we so desparately desired to grow..up and eventually when you do..you realise growing up is an illusion....of so many promises being made to "when i will grow up..........." and when you do you realise you are miles away from your promises...what were then promises to self take years of working and yearning.....
and when you dream with your eyes wide open and the sense of self belief and conviction is so high you could take on the world full on...
instead you blink your eyes...done enough of staring at the depth of blue..above..you mentally gear up for the 'just another day' of your life
"i wonder y we died to grow up and die each day as grown ups"

WRATH

With blood that fumes
and the soul that rhumes
it all comes gushing
Like water from a dam
Like blood to the brain
Black...strong...powerful
With the force and desire to destroy
Engulfing all that comes its way
Like Khamsin-
Soft lovely and that turns violent...
Like the watered frenzy
The calm bed rooted
Swirling like a huge spout
Etching up to the sky...
all life it does destroy
Tranquility never an envoy
Wrath that Kills
Taking life like a Tollers swill!!

Dreams Unfolded

With arms wide open
all it needs is a harbour
Myriad Souls
that rave and rant
All they need is rest
For within my bosom lies the wish
To fly and soar
Above the cloudy sky..
..The Ocean and the mountains
Hills and Plains...
With a heartfelt love
all care free..
no spite no disdain
Every night
As I stare at the starry sky
Each star unfolds to me my dreams
And the moon tells to bide by its sheen
Small contours of dreams
each dreams mystically craves
Unfolding
Oh! Dreams Unfolded

Not Done

I lay on the bed..

The night blinked back at me 

Mockingly..

I draw the blinds shut..

Yet the darkness stares

The shadows dance on the ceiling..

And the mind plays its game..

The hurling storms and

the Crying sores

The hurting eyes..

The khol running down...

The laughter of the child...

The smell of wild lilies...

The taste of honey...

all blend in a cacophony

of multitudinous desire

the pillow bursts like a cloud

of dreams..

of this frayed chest of chestnut brown

and a serpent guards the lock...

the chest is frayed and old

may be holding pirates

treasures and tales manifold

My pupils are ablaze...

Glazing of gold

The ceiling dances again washed in milky sun

The story was not fully done..

and the morning has just Begun

Death

Its so certain of coming...yet I pray for immortality and youth and an impossible toghetherness of a lifetime

Its so true that your loved ones will leave you one day, no matter how hard you hold on to them, however, when the reality of their leaving really hits your face; its like a bolt from the blue...no I dont say I am mentally strong to take it.. or that I am capable to handle it enough...or that I shall be strong and not miss you...I'll try and fail like every other normal human being and it is only that I chose to shed my tears at the dark sky ....

no...I know that you will no more be there when I shall wait alone on a dark cold night for the vehicle to carry me home..nor will you ever say I must carry extra cash....or that you shall encourage me for an ice-cream on a freezing winter night...or settle a fallen bang...or admire my new dress..nor will you be there when I shall try reaching places....I shall no more have to run errands for you..or care for your medicine...or even get to see your smiling face as I return from work or anxiety at my trouble...the usual chatter, songs we sang and banter....Nor shall you ever be able to teach me how to dance...or your reading the morning paper...and me just waiting for you to be done with its reading...

The time I was losing you I could not even come to terms with it and when I did I just could not realize you were gone..and as you lay on your last journey so calm..I prayed you find a better home...

I know you can't read what I have written..but I think it is time to make peace with the fact that you will never be there around in person.

I am selfish and you fail to see

I say I'm your guardian angel 
and I shall protect you..
I say I shall be there for you..
so slowly you rely on me..
I say I love you for ever so..
slowly you look up to me....
I say...
I shall never let you down....
so that you can always wait for me....
but all I want.....is to clip your wings...
to clip your dreams..so that
When your inhibitions are Shed 
and you are weak...
In this weakness on me alone you shall rely...
no I do not want you to fly..
just to be an extension of My whims..
and extension of Me 
My Reflective Personality








May, 02,2010

Pensive

I am pensive
not so blase....
the red ink has been spilled 
on the crisp white paper...
and I do not want to clean it....
let the red take its course...
deep...lines running across
...falling short of movement...
is it blood!!!
I think for a fraction...
what wonders can red lines do..
keep you living...
ticking ...thinking.
...stagnating
...


05TH MAY , 2010

night-hour rushed in

when sleep eludes and clutters clear...all I have is the ink to smear....

Its been almost a week and I see night has been playing a role reversal for me...my night is turning into my day...the hour passing by with the silent ticking of the clock...during the day I don't even notice that the clock makes a ticking sound...or that the fan makes its own noise of cutting the air quick and random...even the curtain flapping becomes so prominent..the pillow falling off with a thud...nights were meant to mean the end of a days tiring and toiling...nights were meant to be calm dark and silent.. work..all rest...

The techie age has changed it all for us weirdly ...when sleep eludes mobile phones come so handy..and you can tune in to your favourite FM station and listen to all the songs being played at behest...or else you can listen to your own playlist in your phone...sometimes you wonder..they don't make music like before...where words had a soulful meaning to them....
anyway..as I blinked away into the blank..bland dark of my ceiling...my earphones plugged to my ears and my phones clutched in my hand...my thoughts weirdly drifted to the guys who spend their days sleeping and nights sleeping answering phone call of customers in the 'Wild west'...
Somehow it was Vroom's frustration....or Bhagat's own at the B.P.O despair..that Bhagat created Vroom to voice his own . Here is what Vroom said...
"I am angry because everyday, I see some of the world's strongest and smartest people in my country. I see all this potential, yet it is all getting wasted. An entire generation up all night, providing crutches to....run their lives. And then big companies come and convince us with their advertising to value crap we don't need, do jobs we hate so that we can buy stuff.....They call it youth culture,,,,Is this what they think youth is about? Two generations ago, the youth got this country free. ..that was something meaningful....We have been reduced to a high spending demographic. The only youth power they care about is our spending power...Meanwhile bad bosses . ....suck the life blood out of our country's most productive generations." Mr. Bhagat..you'r one of my favourite writers and after your book...my thoughts had words..!!


I dont blame my loss of sleep to the Call-centre disorder...yet after having written this I feel better...
Cheers to all my friends who spend nights working and days sleeping..welcome to the world of hormonal dysfunction. I bet you people aren't even aware of that...!!


I can now sleep peacefully...a weeks sleepless night always thinking of friends who worked and live to appease...Cheers to your labour..

Solace

I found solace in loneliness
Today;
The silence that was once eerie
Today is a calm rendition
Where thoughts can breed
and multiply...
Conjugation of desires
and Dreams


Silence today beckons me
To reach out ...
To my Million Dreams
Dreams Unfulfilled
I'm trying hard
The depth of silence soothes
Distraught nerves
Ever so afraid of death
Today I'm not
The ever-lasting Silence of Death
Holds promises of peace against Turmoil.

Endeavour

The past all know 
Is imbued with troubles
Hence Epoch by Epoch
Period by Period
The new generation clamps fear
To step forward....
Many zealots do drop by the herd
Yet many are undaunted
Not bound by any
Superstition or saga
Undaunted to foray into
The Unknown future
Trusting and hoping 
Their Endeavour!

A last Dance

The dance series


Sleepy since morning
Seeming to move mechanically
From one room to another
Fetching familiar faces
Countering blank stares.
I stumble and walk-
I enter through the blank door
The room is lit so bright
The smell of flowers and candles
benumbs my senses
The air so cool stills my ear
My ever so dry hair is wet
As I sit on the easy chair...
his lonesome corner;
My eyelids call a close..
I cry for a dance
A last dance of embracing cresendo
Before the lid is shut forever.

The Dance

All day long till the day edged into the abyss

of the surfacing night

The Darkness of the day:

Blending with the dark night

Oblivious to all

Oblivious to the the night

all alone in the ranted room

In a silken gown of dark night

Dark as the gypsy hair....

Smell of perfume no more!

The brittle Black rose in hand

She danced

with hair all strewn

face all caked with tears and hanging cobwebs..

The gypsy Kohl running down her raven eyes

The endless dance..

the dance of frenzy

The mad laughter clinking through the walls 

Of ecstasy 

Never such a laughter had I heard

The dance of the knell!

Paul-ific

For me this particular mollusc's always been the scourge of the sea...That is to say when I learnt of this eight legged monster....who did not bite off its preys head...so that the death is instantaneous ...no..it holds you in its embrace... savors you....and then secrets venom out of its tentacles and feasts..urghhhh....how grotesque..

Later I learnt Ladies in Old England feasted on octopus's tentacle..a connoisseur delight.. as their eyes were glued to the plays..artistic...or what..some how modern art and people from the yellow ages have eluded my understanding so I try to maintain a pacific stand on both!!! and some parts of the world my dear mollusc's is fished for food...!!! On that note aren't greens enough to be feasted on?

There could be no end to my amusements delight till my little friends introduced me to Oswald..now Oswald is a blue octopus who can dance to the tune of his friends and can balance a teacup on its limb with much ease as it can walk...swim..build sand castels...arrange a summer camp eighthandedly

...if you are confused my dear friends then Oswald is a toon character!!

Now things have become Paul-iish....all was well till Argentinians were ousted then Die deutsche Fußballnationalmannschaft was ousted and then Managed to stand for a respectable Third!!

today the time is running short..and I am really not sooo ... happy to see This world cup finale..its been a world cup full of surprises...Firstly we saw fall of Champions with teams like that of France.. Italy...Brazil...Argentina falling off and out...

No Paul you indeed are not at all the one to be blamed..your fate is that you are Paulish..imperfecto...no I am well aware of the fact that you may have remote psyche powers..or above all you are simply concerned with the morsel placed before you..the flag has no significance....a twit as much as it has to do with me..and like all other mortal you too are craving for some octopussy attention to your tribe..but this time Paul you have got more than some Octopussy attention...the whole world is looking at you some who adore you , others with eyes set waiting to devour you...

Spaniards!!! I am well aware you may take many a snap this year with Paul..kindly do not even dream of renaming him Paul..simple things should never be given Pablo-ic..ooopsss.... weired funny names..or the sense of simplicity is just driven out free-kicked out of the air!!

Paul or no Paul...to-night is the day of celebrations, my sleep is more important I shall celebrate after reading it from the newspapers!!

May the best team win...Paul may predict..but its these giants who have to make the predictions come true...

Here is to the world cup of surprises..

To the world cup of Paul..

To the World cup of 2010..

May the deserving alone win.

Nostalgia

the feeling of nostalgia seeps within...
of the cannons and drums..
with the violin and the cellist
strumming tunes of the clouds somersault
as the horizon looks dark
with a silver curve
..the curve of dreams..
of the sea and the sky..
and gentle drops of rain pitter and patter..
pattering into showers
showers oh lovely showers
all flowing from above
Let me indulge in thee
Let me indulge in the monsoons love
Oh. monsoons clouds shower
your grace beneath
i sail in my clouds and dreams..
shower your love beneath

Let me drown in the nostalgia

let me be seeped in it...